When I was pregnant, I had a lot of moms tell me, “You’ve never loved anyone as much as you’ll love your baby” or something along those lines. I always smiled and nodded, but I was secretly thinking about how much I love my hub and my mom and the rest of my family. I loved them so much, so it was hard to fathom loving someone else even more. I knew the love I had for my baby would be different, but I just assumed it would be on similar level.
And then he was born.
This sweet, perfect, little angel. I remember thinking at the hospital that I couldn’t believe hub and I got to take him home. He was all ours.
He needed me and I instantly knew I needed him. I already felt it: this love that other mothers had told me about.
In the next few weeks it just got stronger and stronger. It was a gut-wrenching love for this baby that I had only known for the matter of moments. As wonderful as it was, it made me nervous. I got stomach aches when I thought about how much I loved him. How was it even possible to really love someone so much it hurt?
Then, a few weeks later, I saw this (a piece of a poem by Maya Angelou):
Mother, During those early dearest days.
I did not dream that you had
A large life which included me,
For I had a life which was only you.
That was it. Although I still can’t fully wrap my head around it, it made more sense to me. During that time, Baby J loved me just as much as I loved him. I was his whole world and he was surely mine.
I know my love for him will always be. Of course, it will change as he grows older, but it will always be. I know there are tantrums and attitudes to come, but for now, I just want to relish in this love. This love that for the life of me, I cannot explain to anyone else. I cannot explain it to friends who don’t have children or who are expecting their first. This is love that can only be understood by another mommy… and it is the best love of all <3